The Importance of Emotional Self-Regulation in the Practice of Law
By Aaron H. Wallace, Esq.
Being in the business of errors & omissions insurance for Florida lawyers, we at Florida Lawyers Mutual understand that emotions and malpractice often go hand in hand.
Anyone can mistakes, but when we are overwhelmed or overcome by emotion, we may be at even greater risk of making the kinds of errors or omissions that could give rise to troublesome claims against our practice.
Last year, during the inaugural Well-Being Week in Law, we wrote to you on why your emotions may be your most important client. We shared studies showing that lawyers have exceptionally high IQs but below-average EQs (emotional intelligence quotients). Lack of insight into the skill of emotional regulation may very well be fueling the conflict, unhappiness, and incivility plaguing the profession today.
To that end, we’re sharing a handy “Do This, Not That” chart made with lawyers in mind… because even the Gandhi-est among us could surely do with a reminder or two on managing our emotions when circumstances put them to the test.
What I Feel | Temptation I Will Regulate | Choices I Will Make Instead |
Anger | Lash out; send an angry email; threaten a Bar complaint | Take a moment to calm myself; step away from the situation if possible; remind myself that acting out of anger has seldom led to good outcomes in the past |
Overwork | Panic; rebel; drink alcohol; give up; push back harshly toward a colleague or client | Write out a list of what I need to do; prioritize; remind myself that I am one human being who is well equipped to do the best I can do, and my best is enough; know that completing one task may fuel me to complete another, but that breaks are essential too; do something I enjoy |
Rejection | Cruel self-talk; assuming that others harbor negative thoughts about me; internalizing criticism of my work as criticism of my personhood, character, or abilities | Acknowledge that everyone experiences occasional rejection or criticism; acknowledge that rejection is never pleasant for anyone; remind myself that I am not my work; recognize that the rejector is not necessarily right but that I am not necessarily right either and may not be able to see that now; Look for how this experience can create betterment for me |
Depression | Self-isolate; self-medicate; retreat into my worst suspicions, thoughts, or fears | Recognize that I am not alone in experiencing depression; identify the lies in my mind as deceitful; consider contacting Florida Lawyers Assistance; recognize my feelings and seek help |
Addiction | Indulge myself in shame and self-condemnation; self-isolate; retreat into my secrets; create excuses or exceptions to justify unhealthy use; tell myself that “just one more time” will be okay; convince myself that my secrets or addictions are worse than others’ | Free myself to recognize I may have a problem; acknowledge that alcoholism and/or addiction are not uncommon among lawyers and I am not alone; choose to be open-minded about different modalities and treatment plans; utilize the resources and support team at the 100% confidential Florida Lawyers Assistance program; seek professional help |
Judgement | Create in my mind thoughts that no one else has actually expressed and assume that others are thinking them; Believe my own worst self-criticism; Fall prey to impostor syndrome | Remind myself that I have the same degree (J.D.) and same Florida law license as my colleagues; remind myself that I am among the most educated and accomplished members of my society; remember that everyone makes embarrassing mistakes and everyone sometimes feels judged; release any sense of responsibility I feel for the unfair thoughts that other people form about me; take stock of my strengths and what I love about myself |
Loneliness | Substitute substances for companionship; regard my loneliness as a static fact; overlook the resources for connection available to me | Call or videoconference someone I love and value; reach out to a friend I have lost touch with; register for a local bar association social function; join a local recreational activity; challenge myself to grow socially; spend time with a pet; volunteer to focus my mind on others rather than myself |
Stress, Anxiety, or Panic | Scream; clench my whole body; drink more coffee; use substances; overeat; vent unproductively or obsessively; make a challenge bigger in my mind than it really is; doomscroll; diagnose myself on WebMD; dwell on many problems at once rather than the task in front of me | Narrow my focus to the present moment and the task at hand; pull up breathing exercises on YouTube to help navigate a panic attack or regulate my nervous system; take a break from caffeine; go for a walk; do something I enjoy; get my mind off myself by doing something in service of others; ask my doctor about chronic episodes of anxiety |
Well-Being “Week” in Law Is Just Getting Started!
We hope you’ve enjoyed this exercise in emotional regulation for lawyers. If so, we have plenty of additional tools to facilitate your health and happiness in our Florida Lawyer Well-Being Resource Center! And there’s more Well-Being Week in Law on the way, because we like to keep the party going on all month long. Stay tuned to our Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and LinkedIn feeds for more great content throughout the month of May.
About Florida Lawyers Mutual: Errors & Omissions Insurance for Lawyers in Florida
Created by The Florida Bar so that Florida lawyers would have a high-quality source for errors & omissions insurance, Florida Lawyers Mutual is an AM Best A-rated insurance company that has been protecting Florida lawyers and their reputations for over 30 years. Owned by its member lawyers, Florida Lawyers Mutual offers high-quality E&O policy features (including an automatic cyber liability endorsement at no additional premium cost) and legendary member service.
The Company recently declared its first-ever member dividend and launched an extensive risk management library with 33+ hours of free CLE for its member lawyers, including coveted credit types (e.g. Technology, Board Certification, etc). Getting a quote for coverage is as simple as submitting our easy online application.